Dear T.J. Maxx, Roth, Marshalls, Garden Ridge and Michaels,
I regret to inform you that if you do not remove all of the amazing black and white damask goodies from your shelves immediately, I will be terminating my almost daily visits to your stores. It seems that every time I enter your doors some black and white damask loveley beckon me, calls my name, FORCES me to buy them. It is due to these lovlies that I must work a part-time job in addition to my full time one.
In your aisles I call my Mother breathless, like a drug addict looking for my next fix.
“MOM” I cry “I found black and white damask LAMPS. OMG MOM, I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED these lamps”.
To which, she replies “calm down, Jill, and tell me what you’ll DO with these aforementioned lamps”.
“Ok, you’re right Mom, I don't know what I'd do with them yet... I guess I don’t NEEEEEEEEEEED them, but I really really want them”.
“Jill, put down the lamps and walk away from the store”.
Thanks Mom, your Voice of Reason has saved me from some very unnecessary purchases. But The Voice of Reason could not stop me from purchasing the black and white damask napkins with a monogrammed C, even though they were “too expensive” and I couldn’t find “enough for everyone”. Because, seriously, they're amazing.
But I did refrain from knocking down the lady that grabbed a pack of “C’s” at the same time I did. Although I did audibly gasp and had to stifle the urge to say “Are YOU getting married in 4.5 months with a black and white damask theme??? AND are YOU marrying a man with a last name that starts with ‘C’?!? Are you? Are you? ARE YOU? I DOUBT IT!”.
I am proud of my restraint.
So, my dearest T.J. Maxx, Roth, Marshalls, Garden Ridge and Michaels, it is au revoir for now. We will meet again on May 23th.
The Aluminum Bride